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at letters time. A wooden horse head was attached to the front of the chuffing buggy in order to make it resemble a horse and carriage Smith recommended the horse head be hollow to contain volatile fuel — another great idea. Here comes trouble. The Model T — whose mass production technique was the work of engineer William C. And by the way, with its blacksmithed body panels and crude instruments, the Model T was a piece of junk, the Yugo of its day. Milton Reeves had a very hard head and, apparently, very poor eyesight.

While the general conformation of the automobile was largely sorted out in the first decade of the 20th century — particularly that business about four wheels — Reeves thought perhaps eight or a minimum of six wheels might provide a smoother ride. Welding in some bits to a Overland and adding two more axles and four more guncart-style wheels, Reeves created the OctoAuto, proudly displaying it at the inaugural Indianapolis Like its Marvel Comics-worthy name, the car was a bit of a monster, measuring over 20 ft.

Talk about scaring the horses. Reeves is remembered today as the inventor of the muffler, which is far from ignominy. A 3,lb. The Bi-Autogo was essentially a two-wheeled vehicle, carrying its considerable heft on in.

This is not a case of the advantage of hindsight; this was obviously a crazy idea, even in The Bi-Autogo does enjoy the historical distinction of being the first V8-powered vehicle ever built in Detroit, so you could argue it is the beginning of an even greater folly. Bythe automotive was no longer a primitive experiment. Companies such as Rolls-Royce, Cadillac, Hispano-Suiza and Voisin were making potent and luxurious automobiles, the technical achievements of the age.

And then there was this, the Flyer, which is no more than a motorized park bench on bicycle wheels. No suspension, no bodywork, no windshield. Deer-genius R. It would be one link in his vaguely totalitarian plan for the people to live in mass-produced houses deposited on the landscape by dirigibles. Okayyyy… Deprived of wings, the Dymaxion was a three-wheel, ground-bound zeppelin, with a huge levered A-arm carrying the rear wheel, which swiveled like the tail wheel of an airplane.

The first prototype had a wicked death wobble in the rear wheel. The next two Dymaxions were bigger, heavier, and only marginally more drivable. A fatal accident involving the car — cause unknown — doomed its public acceptance. Chrysler, and the even more hapless Desoto, tried to devolve the Airflow stylistically, giving it more conventional grill and raising the trunk into a kind Looking for unshaved pussy lets have some fun bustle some later models were named Airstreambut the damage was done.

Sales were abysmal. The first sports car produced in postwar America was a major hunk of junk. Actually, at 1, lbs and in. The Hotshot was the work of consumer products pioneer Powel Crosley Jr. But what he really wanted to do was build cars, which he did with middling failure until the doors closed in What killed the Hotshot was its engine, a dual-overhead cam. When these brazed welds let go, as they often did, things quickly got noisy, and hot.

The most ineffective bit of French engineering since the Maginot Line, the Renault Dauphine was originally to be named the Corvette, tres ironie. It was, in fact, a rickety, paper-thin scandal of a car that, if you stood beside it, you could actually hear rusting. Its most salient feature was its slowness, a rate of acceleration you could measure with a calendar. It took the drivers at Road and Track 32 seconds to reach 60 mph, which would put the Dauphine at a severe disadvantage in any drag race involving farm equipment.

The fact that the ultra-cheap, super-sketchy Dauphine sold over 2 million copies around the world is an index of how desperately people wanted cars. Any cars. The King Midget story reminds us what a middle-class nation the U. Any single-cylinder engine would power it.

The result was a truly crap-tastic little vehicle, the four-wheel equivalent to those Briggs-and-Stratton powered minibikes. Amazingly, Midget Motors continued to develop and sell mini-cars until the late s. The crown jewel was the Model III, introduced ina little folded-steel crackerbox powered by a 9-hp motor.

Government safety standards, at long last, put the King Midget out of our misery.

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Waldo Waterman wanted aviation pioneer Glenn Curtiss to like him in the worst way. On the ground, the wings folding against the fuselage like those of a fly now would be a good time to note that Waterman must have been crazy to get airborne in such a contraption. Nonetheless, the Arrowplane goes down as the first real flying car.

But why?

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But what else? It was the first victim of Madison Avenue hyper-hype. Cultural critics speculated that the car was a flop because the vertical grill looked like a vagina. How did the Edsel come to be synonymous with failure? All of the above, consolidated into an irrational groupthink and pressurized by a joyously catty media. The Kaiser Darrin and Corvette sports cars were wrapped in fiberglass bodies, for instance.

Colin Chapman, the founding engineer of Lotus, was bonkers for weight savings.

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It was inevitable that he would be drawn to the material. And so, the Elite. Weighing just 1, lbs and powered by a punchy, hp Coventry Climax engine, the Elite Type 14 was a successful race car, winning its class at the 24 Hours of Le Mans six times. It was also a lovely little coupe, which made the moment when the suspension mounts punched through the stressed-skin monocoque all the more pathetic. A point of personal privilege.

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I own a MGA that I restored with my own two hands, and it is a fantastic British sports car, with lovely lines penned by Syd Enever, a stiff chassis, and a floggable character. The car was introduced in as a replacement to the venerable TD and was itself replaced by the MGB in Along the way, somebody decided my little car was anemic — hey! I resent that! Many years after the engine was taken out of service, it was discovered that the problem lay in the carburetors. At certain rpm, resonant frequencies would cause the fuel mixture to froth, leaning out the fuel and burning the pistons.

Built in Nuremberg, Germany, by the well-established motorcycle firm during a downturn in the two-wheeler market, this push-me-pull-you was based on a Dornier prototype and powered by a cc, horsepower engine, giving it a top speed of only 50 mph, assuming you had that kind of time. Looking for unshaved pussy lets have some fun unique feature was the rear-facing bench seat, which meant passengers could watch in horror as traffic threatened to rear-end this rolling roadblock of a car.

The standard line is that the Amphicar was both a lousy car and a lousy boat, but it certainly had its merits. It was reasonably agile on land, considering, and fairly maneuverable on water, if painfully slow, with a top speed of 7 mph. Its flotation was entirely dependent on whether the bilge pump could keep up with the leakage. In fact, during the recent floods in Britain, an Amphicar enthusiast served as a water taxi, bringing water and groceries to a group of stranded schoolkids. Rear-engine cars are fun to drive and even more fun to crash.

During World War II, Nazi officers in occupied Czechoslovakia were banned from driving the speedy rear-engined Tatras because so many had been killed behind the wheel. Chevrolet execs knew the Corvair — a lithe and lovely car with an air-cooled, flat-six in the back, a la the VW Beetle — was a handful, but they declined to spend the few dollars per car to make the swing-axle rear suspension more manageable.

Ohhh, they came to regret that. Meanwhile, the Corvair had other problems. It leaked oil like a derelict tanker. Its heating system tended to pump noxious fumes into the cabin. Even so, my family had a Corvair, white with red interior, and we loved it. Less a car than a 5th-grade science project on seed germination, the Peel Trident was deed and built on the Isle of Man in the s for reasons as yet undetermined, kind of like Stonehenge. The Trident was the evolution of the P, which at 4-ft.

More like Doofus on the half-shell. American Motors deer Richard Teague — remember that name — was responsible for some of the coolest cars of the era. The result was one of the most curiously proportioned cars ever, with a long low snout, long front overhang and a truncated tail, like the tail snapped off a salamander.

Cheap and incredibly deprived — with vacuum-operated windshield wipers, no less — the Gremlin was also awful to drive, with a heavy six-cylinder motor and choppy, unhappy handling due to the loss of suspension travel in the back. The Gremlin was quicker than other subcompacts but, alas, that only meant you heard the jeers and laughter that much sooner. So consider the Triumph Stag merely representative. Like its classmates, it had great style penned by Giovanni Michelotti ruined by some half-hearted, half-witted, utterly temporized engineering: To give the body structure greater stiffness, a T-bar connected the roll hoop to the windscreen, and the windows were framed in eye-catching chrome.

The effect was to put the driver Looking for unshaved pussy lets have some fun a shiny aquarium. The Stag was lively and fun to drive, as long as it ran. The 3. The timing chains broke, the aluminum he warped like mad, the main bearings would seize and the water pump would poop the bed — ka-POW!

Oh, that piston through the bonnet, that is a spot of bother. Appearing to have been hewn from solid blocks of mediocrity, the Imperial LeBaron two-door is memorable for having some of the longest fenders in history. V8 and measured over 19 ft. The interior looked like a third-world casino. Here we are approaching the nadir of American car building — obese, under-engineered, horribly ugly. Or, it would be the nadir, except for the abysmal Chrysler Imperial, which had an engine cursed by God.

The Imperial name was finally overthrown in Well, this is fish in a barrel. Of course the Pinto goes on the Worst list, but not because it was a particularly bad car — not particularly — but because it had a rather volatile nature. The car tended to erupt in flame in rear-end collisions. The Jaguar E-Type was heavenly, a dead-sexy, mph supercar, a stiletto heel to the heart of any car-loving man. Byit had morphed into this, this thing. In order to compensate for power-sapping emissions controls required in the U.

Not finished ruining the lines, Jag plumped up the fenders, spoiling the smooth, aero-sleek contours of the original. The piece de resistance, Jag affixed hideous rubber bumpers — Dagmars, really — in a lame attempt to meet 5-mph bumper standards. The only Bricklin I ever sat in caught on fire and burned to the axles.

Despite its hand-removing, lb. Another safety feature: incredible, crust-of-the-Earth-cooling slowness. The venerable, and I do mean venerable, Morgan Motor Company of Malvern, Warwickshire, has been making cars the old fashioned way since it was radical and high-tech. With wing fenders, wooden-frame bodies, and sliding-pillar front suspensions, Morgans are mailed to us direct from But in the early s, new U. For years, small s of these bouncy little roters had tanks of liquid propane hung perilously behind the rear bumper.

And people gave the Pinto grief? The trouble was not necessarily the engineering, or even the peculiar de, which looked fit to split firewood. It was that the cars were so horribly made. The thing had more short-circuits than a mixing board with a bong spilled on it. The carburetors had to be constantly romanced to stay in balance. Timing chains snapped. Oil and water pumps refused to pump, only suck.

The sunroof leaked and the concealable headlights refused to open their peepers. One owner reports that the rear axle fell out. How does that happen? Oh yeah.

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